The Big Giveaway (skit)

Announcer: (Rod Serling imitator) Good morning and welcome to the Apostate Zone! Consider if you will the plight of Fred. He hungers to aid his fellow man, yet he is unprepared to do so. Still, he doesn't realize his problem. So he spends his time spinning his wheels in the Apostate Zone.

Fred (behind small counter like a kid's lemonade stand): Come and get it while it lasts! It's all completely free! Free, I tell you! Completely and absolutely free!

Man enters.

Man: Pardon me, but exactly what is free?

Fred: Everything! Absolutely everything!

Man: Yes, but what do you have?

Fred: Oh, I see what you mean. Well, I can let you have this absolutely free. (Pulls out some piece of junk.)

Man: But what is it?

Fred: I don't have the slightest idea... but it's free!

Man: I can see why. Don't you have anything useful?

Fred: That depends on what you want to use it for.

Man: Well, I've got a big hole in my faith just now and I was looking for something to..

Fred: Say no more, my good man! Here's the best hole fixer I've ever seen. (Pulls out a 2 wood.)

Man: I said the hole was in my faith. How can that fix my faith?

Fred: Well, if you use it to plug up that hole, you can have faith that it's plugged. Yeah, that's the ticket! How about that, huh?

Man: No, I don't think that's going to do it.

Fred: Well, do you need anything else?

Man: Yeah! My prayers don't seem to be getting through lately. It's like the ceiling is made of brass or something.

Fred: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Man, this is your lucky day! I've got an A-number one brass ceiling remover right here. (Pulls out a can opener.) There you go! And it's absolutely free!

Man: Yes, and once again it's absolutely useless for my problem.

Fred: But you said ...

Man: I said that it seems AS IF the ceiling is made of brass. It isn't actually made of brass.

Fred: Gosh! I don't seem to have anything you need, do I?

Man: No. By the way, where did you get all of this stuff?

Fred: Sheol Wholesale! They've got lots of stuff you can get for next to nothing. And the payments are all deferred indefinitely!

Man: I read somewhere that there's some pretty heavy interest on the contracts from that place. You'd better be careful. But I've got to get going and find someone with the things I need to get myself fixed up.

Fred: What kinds of things? I mean, I've got all kinds of things here. Surely there must be something you can use!

Man: I doubt it and don't call me Shirley!

Fred: Sorry!

Man: Anyway, if you got all that stuff from Sheol, I doubt that you have any grace or joy or encouragement back there, right?

Fred: No. But Sheol doesn't carry those things!

Man: I know. I used to be one of their best customers.

Fred: Well, I'm sorry I didn't have anything you could use.

Man: That's okay! (Exits)

Fred: Boy! I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to give this stuff away! Oh, well! Better keep trying! Free! Absolutely free!

Announcer: Poor Fred! He doesn't realize he needs to have something in order to give it away. He has a vague understanding that what he has is worthless, even though it will end up costing him everything in the end. But without Jesus, which is what he needs most, you can find him right here, in the Apostate Zone.

What Did You Expect? (Sermon)

What Did You Expect? (Acts 3: 1-10)

One day I was reading from a book of American folk stories and I came across an interesting story about an old woman who lived in the mountains. She had a nice cabin near the top of a mountain and she really appreciated it except for one thing. The view from her door was obstructed by a neighboring peak that was bare and brown. The woman knew that beyond that peak lay a beautiful green valley and she longed to be able to see the lush valley rather than the old bare peak. Then, one day, she was listening to a circuit rider who preached the words of Christ when He said that anyone with so much faith as a grain of mustard seed could say to a mountain “Be thou removed” and it would come to pass. The woman knew now what she must do. That night she prayed that the mountain would remove itself from her view. The next morning she arose to find the mountain still in its place and said, “It’s just as I expected.”

What do we expect when we pray? Do we really expect a miracle? If so, then why are we usually amazed when one does occur? We’ve heard two drastically different approaches to directive prayer this morning. The old woman admits that she didn’t expect anything to happen, while Peter unflinchingly expected nothing less than a total and instantaneous healing of a horribly crippled man. Which end of the spectrum are we closest to?

I’d like to look at this issue today from several aspects. First, we will look at the attitude of the communicator. Secondly, we will look at the language used in effective covenant prayer. And last, we will consider what will happen when we get what we ask for.

When we consider the language used in the two prayers, we are somewhat hamstrung for the old woman’s exact words are not recorded. Therefore, we must concentrate on the words Peter used to heal the lame man. Consider this, there are many times in the Bible when certain words were chosen very carefully to convey specific meanings. This is why Revelation 22: 18 & 19 leaves us with a warning lest we should add or subtract. This is not to say that I believe that any modern translation or version of the scripture is to be valued over any other. I believe that the Holy Spirit faithfully guides those who intend to accurately translate God’s word, lest any passage should be corrupted. But, specific words have specific meanings and they were chosen with care.

Peter was a simple man, an uneducated man. He was a man with no use for tricks of the tongue or subtleties. He said what he meant and he meant what he said. First, he explained to the beggar that he and John had no money to give. This is probably something the beggar heard thousands of times a day, since he had positioned himself at such prime spot for begging. A major gate near the temple would see thousands passing through it almost any day. So this beggar would be able to ask alms from all of those people. But this was a major city where the maimed and infirm and crippled were more commonplace than in the outlying areas. Much as it is today, these types of people flocked to the cities where they perceived the begging prospects would be better than in the villages. Consequently, the people of the cities would be constantly bombarded by those seeking relief from their crushing poverty. So it would not be uncommon for anyone in a city to deny a request for alms. It would be commonplace. No explanation would be expected or offered. But Peter had something in mind when he was asked. It can be simply stated in one word: Jesus!

Peter knew full well that Jesus had told the disciples that they would see him in people who came to them with needs. So when he looked at the beggar, Peter saw Jesus asking him if he would help someone less fortunate. And then he acted for Jesus, to bring glory and honor to Jesus, to feed his master’s sheep as he had agreed he would. This is the first point to remember about effective covenant prayer. It begins and ends with Jesus as its focus, seeking to bring glory to Him and only to Him. This was Peter’s aim. I think we can safely say that the old woman’s motives had little if anything to do with honoring the Christ. Her desire was purely selfish. She wanted the mountain to move so she would have a better view. What she was hoping for was not anything that would actually help anyone. She only hoped to improve upon the value of her real estate. And then Peter spoke.

Peter did not hesitate. He did not equivocate. He didn’t beat about the bush. He simply invoked the name of Jesus of Nazareth and commanded the beggar to walk. Peter could have gone into a two-hour sermon about the misfortunes of life and how Jesus can overturn them all. He could have asked the beggar a thousand questions to satisfy his human hunger to know how the poor man had come to this sorry state. He didn’t do any of these things. He didn’t whoop and holler and shake his hand in the air while he prayed for the beggar. He didn’t ask for anyone else to come forth that felt they had a need. He just lifted the man up and said, “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!” He didn’t ask the man if he believed in Jesus. He didn’t ask if he’d like to join his church or buy a commemorative figurine or a brick for the new foundation. He didn’t ask how the man had been living and if he’d promise to do right from now on. He just told that lame man to walk. And this is the second point to remember about effective covenant prayer. It is direct prayer addressing a valid need!

Peter was direct in this prayer. He was so direct that it doesn’t really sound like a prayer, but it was. He didn’t worry about whether the man deserved to be healed. He didn’t waffle around the issue and try to sandbag by saying things like, “Father, if it be thy will.” Why would it not be God’s will to help His children? Peter didn’t worry about the fact that the man was destitute and therefore unable to give a gift of gratitude to his church. He didn’t worry about anything but the fact that one of his master’s sheep was laying there crippled and he knew that the name of Jesus had more than enough power to fix the problem. How many of you know that this miracle is also a parable? I don’t mean that it’s a story about something that never happened that was told just to explain a point. This story is the point. It’s the whole point. It’s the reason we are sent into the world to bring Jesus to others. They can’t do it for themselves. The enemy has them down in total bondage. They are crippled in ways that we can’t even imagine much less see. But Jesus can heal them! The catch is that we need to do our part. But in order to do that, we need to use the language of confidence. We are told in the Bible that we will command angels. That promise is for now, not for Armegeddon! It also says that by His stripes we ARE healed. Not were. Not will be. Not someday if we say our prayers, eat all of our vegetables and always wear clean underwear. Now! Today! This very minute! We ARE healed! We need to EXPECT what we pray for to happen! And don’t stand around dusting the foyer with your jaw when it does happen! Just claim it and move on! By the way, the claiming part takes two forms. And this brings us to the last point. When you get what you prayed for, remember where the answer came from!

This is quite possibly the reason that so few of us are effective prayer warriors over a long period of time. How many times have you heard people talk with one another about something wonderful that happens to someone they both know and one of them will say to the other something like, “I’m so happy this finally happened. I’ve been praying for them for so long now.” Why do we feel that we get to take the credit when God answers our prayers? That would be like a father giving one of his sons a new pair of shoes the child needs and the other son telling his brother, “I’m sure glad Dad gave you those. I’ve been asking him to buy them for you.” We should be giving glory and honor to our Father in heaven when we receive His blessings. We should still give Him the glory when others receive the things we’ve asked God to give them. When we start pointing out how instrumental we were in their blessing, then we’re doing two things wrong. We’re taking the focus off of God’s role as the provider, and we’re seeking the acclaim of man by pointing out in a roundabout way that they probably wouldn’t have been blessed if we hadn’t prayed. We’re kind of quietly singing our own round of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow”.

For recipients of God’s goodness, there is only one proper course of action. The beggar went with them into the temple courts “walking and jumping and praising God”. How often do we act like this man? How often do we claim God’s gifts by identifying them as such to the whole world? By shouting from the rooftops? More often we call up Sister Gertrude to mumble about how good God is and would she pass along our thanks to the rest of the prayer chain. Walking and jumping and praising God! This guy intended to stick out! In public! In church of all places! When was the last time we stood out to bring honor and glory to our God? I think we do it so seldom because we’re so dumbfounded when prayer works. I really think we’re shocked into silence because positive answers to prayer are not what we expected.

So the question remains “What did you expect?” When we go through trials in our lives and we pray for answers or help from God, are we ready to receive what we didn’t really expect to get? And when the help arrives do we recognize that it’s from God if we didn’t really believe that would happen? There are problems that need to be dealt with that impact our ability to recognize or discern God’s benevolence. I’m not going to go into all of those today. That’s a topic for another sermon. The point is that we need to stay connected enough to God that we recognize His care for us, in all its many forms. The Bible tells us that all good gifts are from God. He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord provider, isn’t he? He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. That brings up an interesting story.

There was a church that was very spiritually successful and it was growing by leaps and bounds. The Head Pastor was a man who was very plain spoken and loved his flock dearly. One day there was a board meeting to decide how the church could continue due to the fact that there was a need at that point for a great sum of money to continue their ministries. The board members went to prayer and the pastor simply said, “Lord, we know that you own the cattle on a thousand hills. We would greatly appreciate if you would sell some of them to help us meet this need.” At that moment there was a light knock at the door and the secretary stuck her head in and beckoned for the pastor. He excused himself and went out to find a man standing there with a check in his hand. He explained that he had driven a herd of cattle to the stockyards near that church and they had brought such a great price that he had asked God what to do with the amount that was beyond what he had calculated they would bring. He had been directed to that church and the check met that church’s need, to the penny.

How often have you heard such stories and marveled at the power of prayer or the benevolence of God? How many more times must you hear such stories before you realize that all Christians are given this tool to meet needs in their lives and the lives of others? We are kids of the kingdom. We are joint heirs with Jesus. Heirs of the one and only God and King of the Universe is what we are! So why do we bow and scrape like beggars at His gates, surviving on crumbs and spare change? Jesus said, “You have not because you ask not!” So why don’t we ask? We say, “We’re not worthy.” You’re right! But that’s what grace is all about! Don’t you remember what the Bible says about that? God commended his love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, He sent Jesus Christ, his one and only Son, to die for us, to purchase us with his precious blood, to give us a share in his birthright.

So why are we surprised when our prayers are answered? Why do we marvel so at stories like the one about the well-favored cattleman or the cripple at the gate? Don’t we know Jesus said we would do even greater miracles than he himself had done? It all comes back to that one question. What did you expect?

How To Recognize Fruit (Sermon)

How to Recognize Fruit

John 9: 30 The man answered, "Now that is remarkable! You don't know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. 31 We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will. 32 Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. 33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing."
34 To this they replied, "You were steeped in sin at birth; how dare you lecture us!" And they threw him out. (New International Version)

I was listening to a pastor who was teaching about the healing of the man born blind. And, since my mind works in strange ways, I started to read on ahead in the chapter and I was struck by this passage. Did you know that in some Bibles this section starting at verse 13 is labeled “The Pharisees Investigate the Healing”? Since I have this weird little mind of mine I started to think, “Now isn’t that just like some Christians today?” I mean it.

How often do you hear about how this thing or that thing or the other thing can’t possibly be used of God because it’s too loud or too expensive or it sounds different from the way we talk when we’re in church? Why is that? Do we think we have the corner on all spiritual knowledge and God can’t do what He wants to without checking with us first? Or at least He should send us a memo about the change, right? You say Christians don’t act that way. Oh, really? In the time since I became a Christian I have heard this same story so many times it doesn’t even surprise me anymore, which is a shame.

I went with my family to a picnic held by a Christian motorcycle club a few years ago. While I was there I had occasion to meet one of their members who served as a chaplain for their group. Things were going along well until we began discussing the Bible. That’s an odd thing for Christians to have differences about, don’t you think? We couldn’t agree about what it says in THE BIBLE? The handbook of our faith? Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth? Well, it seems that I was using a sinful Bible. I had no idea. But it seems the New International Version is the spawn of hell and damnation! At least it is to hear this gent tell it. According to him, and I later found out quite a number of other Christians, it’s a work of iniquity. Why, you may ask?

Well, it seems that certain verses are translated a bit differently in the NIV than they are in the King James. Some verses have many clauses to them and some were considered by the scholars who authored the NIV to be parenthetical so they were included as footnotes to show the possible interpretations of the Greek or Hebrew or Aramaic texts. As anyone who has studied a foreign language can tell you, things don’t always translate directly from one language to another. There are shades of meaning in one language for concepts that are straightforward in another language and can’t be nuanced properly.

I can’t and don’t intend to launch into a lengthy description of all the verses in the NIV that offend the King James Only crowd. Just know that this is a major controversy for many in the church today. It has been known to split entire churches. By the way, this same gentleman tried to tell me that I needed to get written permission to use any passage from the NIV because it is copyrighted. Does anybody out there have a King James Bible with them this morning? Open it in the front. Is it copyrighted? I thought so.

Another thing that has been known to cause dissension in the church is music; not only the style, but the manner of performance. My mother-in-law goes to a church in Alabama where there is no piano, no organ, no guitars or tambourines. All the music is performed a cappella at every service. It seems that since there are no mentions of musical instruments in Leviticus, which has to do with the conduct of worship, they don’t feel there should be any musical instruments used in worship.

Another topic where Christians get into enormous disagreements is the use of modern music in worship services. This controversy, believe it or not, is as old as the Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther borrowed tunes from popular drinking songs and grafted Christian lyrics onto them. This was considered heresy by his colleagues. But I kind of like “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” and “Away in A Manger” don’t you? A young boy some years later told his father that he didn’t like the hymns being used in the church because their style was so far out of date. The father replied that the youngster should write better songs if he was so smart. So Isaac Watts took him up on the offer and wrote “Behold the Glories of the Lamb” using the tune of a popular song of that day and the year was 1690.

“But” some might say, “the current modern music can’t be used, can it? I mean the kids all get so wild when they hear it. They tear up the theaters and cause riots.” Yes, we need to watch out for music that causes this kind of behavior. That’s why Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring” should never be played in a church because that’s just what the audience did when it debuted in Paris in 1913. But we would never dream of saying that classical music is not worthy of our churches.

So where am I going with all this information? I should think it would be obvious. Look again at verse 33. “33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing." (NIV) Again, “33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing."

Do you understand? Don’t be so quick to judge whether or not something is worthy of use for God’s work. If it bears fruit, it’s sanctified, because God is blessing it! Does this mean we’re supposed to run around trying to do the Lambada for Jesus? I wouldn’t. But there are a whole lot of things that can be done for Christ that people would feel comfortable doing in this church with His eyes looking down seeing what it is you are doing.

Many people think that doing taekwondo as a ministry is nonsense. I had one guy come up to me and say, “How does that work? Do they go around fighting each other saying ‘Jesus loves you.’ whack?” He didn’t really want to know. He just wanted to prove that I was wrong and he was right.

People try to change the way I do ministry all the time. But it doesn’t work. Do you know why? Yes, I’m stubborn. But besides that, I know that the NIV bears fruit. I know that the taekwondo ministry was bearing fruit. I know that contemporary Christian music bears fruit. And if Jesus tells me to throw my net on the right side, you watch me move to starboard. I’m willing to be led. I’m willing to use anything I’ve got at my disposal to witness or lead or coach or comfort enough to bring someone into the kingdom. And I’m willing to let others or even help others with using things that relate to their talents. But that’s because I judge ministries by fruit.
Do you know what fruits I’m talking about?

Galatians 5: 22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (NIV)

When you look at something someone is doing in the name of Christ, ask yourself, “Are these people loving? Kind? Joyful? Patient? Faithful? Gentle? Self-controlled?” Is there prayer going on? Are people showing each other love? Are people coming to Christ? Are they being instructed in Christian living? These are the types of fruit to look for.

You can also look for indications of the absence of the Holy Spirit which are contained in verses 19 thru 21. If there is impurity, sexual immorality, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness and things such as that, then whatever it is cannot be from God. This isn’t rocket science. The Bible says that the knowledge of good and evil is born within each of us, so there is no excuse for not following what is good.

In his book, The Purpose Driven Church, Rick Warren says, “Fruitfulness is a major theme of the New Testament. Consider the following:
“We are called by Christ to bear fruit. “16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” (John 15:16) God wants to see lasting fruit come from our ministry.
Being fruitful is the way we glorify God. “8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”(John 15:8) An unfruitful ministry does not bring glory to God.
Being fruitful pleases God. “10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work” (Col 1:10)
Jesus reserved his severest judgment for the unfruitful tree. He cursed it because it didn’t bear fruit. “Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, ‘May you never bear fruit again!’ Immediately the tree withered” (Matt 21:19). Jesus didn’t do this to show off but to make a point: He expects fruitfulness!
The nation of Israel lost its privilege because of unfruitfulness. “Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit” (Matt 21:43). ” (SEE Footnote 1)

And that brings us back to our lovely little group of Pharisees. They set out to “investigate” this healing. It wasn’t done to suit them so they had to find something wrong with the one who did it. But they couldn’t. They just kept repeating their catch phrase, “He’s a sinner.” like a bunch of over-fluffed parrots. “Awk! He’s a sinner!” Nice discernment, dude! Does Caiaphas give you a cracker if you say it fifty times or something?

What was there to investigate? They didn’t have the science in those days to analyze the mud. Even if they had, I have a suspicion that it was just that; mud. The important thing was where it came from. Didn’t they know this man had been blind from birth? Probably not. The Pharisees are chronicled as a group too busy being important to get to know the people they were supposed to be leading to God.

They questioned this man several times. They questioned his parents. You’ll notice they didn’t question any witnesses. They questioned a man who had been blind until he left Jesus’ presence to wash in the pool of Siloam and his parents who weren’t even there probably. Nice work, Kojak! You’ll never make detective at that rate.

The point is that they ignored the fruit because the method didn’t fit with their plan. (If you want to make God laugh – tell Him Your plan.) They had too much invested in being the only game in town. They had to be consulted before anything Holy went on in their district. Who did this Jesus guy think He was, coming around here healing people without their permission? And on the Sabbath, too? But Jesus knew He didn’t need their permission.

He knew that He could sanctify mud because He was the one who originally made all of its ingredients. Mud was enough. He could have called down fire from heaven and destroyed the Pharisees for questioning His authority. But He didn’t because He knew mud was enough. How do you sanctify mud? The answer is, YOU don’t, but He can.

God uses uncommon vessels to do His mightiest works. And I should know because I’m about as uncommon a vessel as has ever walked the earth! The only people who are put out by that fact are the ones who can’t recognize fruit when they see it, or they don’t care about fruit because they have another agenda.

Now how about you? Are you producing any fruit? Do people look at your life and see the way they want to live? Are you bringing people into the kingdom? Are you using all of your talents? And if you are here today and you don’t know Jesus, let me ask you this. Would you like your life to bear fruit? Would you like to be responsible for healing broken people? Would you like to bring your loved ones to the one who opens the door to heaven? Would you like to meet the Lord of Glory who gives peace for today and joy for eternity? If you’re here and you want to meet with Jesus today, then the altar is open through this next song. I’ll be happy to pray with you and so will our deacons. If you’re here today and you want more power in your walk and you want to re-dedicate yourself to the cause of Christ, then come on and we’ll pray together and ask God for that.


1. The Purpose Driven Church by Rick Warren, Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, MI, 1995, Pg 62